6th December 2009, 1.43pm

I've decided to open up a blog again, just a channel for me to update things on my life and to share my random thoughts and reflections with you.

It's a nice Sunday afternoon and I'm all alone at home. I guess it's time for me to catch up and have my solitary time to myself, but somehow, it feels lonely and depressing. Sister just left to meet up with Izree and Yan went out to meet his endless list of friends. After saying their goodbyes and finishing my Korean episode for the hour, I came back to reality and looked around me, absorbing the surroundings of my house. I felt a familiar unpleasant emotion rising up to me, a stabbing pain on my heart. I felt empty, just like the house. Dull,abandoned and just plain empty. Funny how a house becomes a metaphor to what the occupants feel. A warm,welcoming house reflects happy occupants, whereas, a dull,empty house just reflects emptiness and loneliness.

I was wondering what triggered me to feel this way,and then it dawned on me how much i'm missing your company and how envious I was of my sister and girlfriends who are constantly out with their boyfriends. I guess it started from going to Ubin with my girlfriends,and seeing Suerya and Zul togeher made me remember my first trip there with you and then going on to see your parents for the first time. Going for Pauline's birthday yesterday and seeing Awie and Pauline together made me feel envious of them and before I know it, I was going back to the memories of the last gathering we went together, and that was your farewell party.

Then it dawned on me that you've only been away for 1month plus and here I am, tears rolling down my cheek wondering when you'll be back. I know at this juncture you'll be saying "Don't worry, it's only about 7 months more and I'll be back,time will pass by very fast" but hey, 7 months is still a long time. With each passing moment, I countdown the months you'll be back, and hopefully it'll be weeks and then days when i can see you again.

I know I'm being very selfish here lamenting at these emotions out to you when you're the one having it tough there,all alone.sometimes i really wonder how you do it,whether you think about me, as much as i do to you. Sometimes, I just can't help but feel insecure knowing you're 7hours flight away from me,whether the 8 months of being away will make you forget me, and all the feelings you've had for me when we first met. I'm not doubting the relationship nor you, but I guess it's just a question that lingers in my mind every once in a while.

I'm still getting adjusted to not receiving a sms from you everyday asking me "how's your day?" or a call from you arranging our next meet up or just talking on the phone about everything and anything. oh well, i have to get used to that.

I remembered what Aunty Ruki told me, "You have to be his pillar of strength and support when he's there,cos here, you have your friends and family, but there, he's all alone." I guess it's true of what she said, and I should stop being a crybaby and be there for you. It's time to get back that indepedent,tough girl I used to be, but somehow, you're the only one whom i've revealed the vulnerable side of me.

i shall stop here,if not i will go on and on about it. A long run will do me good, to clear my head and run; away from such unhappy thoughts.

reminiscing
6:09 PM <3

(: