i'm supposed to be asleep now or rather be doing the final preparations for the upcoming d&d but i soo can't be bothered right now & i can't sleep. I really think i've turned nocturnal(maybe i should stay at night safari-they have nocturnal animals there right?)

but yea, my motivation for my youth organisations is slowly diminishing, and that is scaring me a little considering i'm quite attached to both organisations and that i'm quite senior there already. But maybe,i'm quite realistic now and money-minded and realise i can put in the time for a job or even a volunteer event where i get paid(euphemism for it is incentives-_-")

I'm finding every excuse to get out of both organisations and I'm considering (seriously) to start my own network for volunteers where there isn't red tape. After all, red tape causes inefficency and so the market fails.[hurhur, 3am got to my brain.]

but yea, i guess as much as i wanna say i'm versatile & adaptable to changes, i don't like the changes made. All the changes to things are making things more diffcult and me, resistant to the changes(even though it may all seem to be for the better) i guess i'm just tired, tired of being the few people who are there to keep salvaging everything and saving everyone's arses. tired of giving myself hope, each time there seems to be a chance for something big, but it just doesn't work out in the end. maybe it's just me,myself and i who thinks too much and gets herself stressed over stupid things.

ive been thinking about it, maybe the problem really lies with me & my willingness to embrace changes, but it seems like there are others who agree along with me as well. So where lies the problem then?

to that, i haven't quite figured out the answer, but one thing's for sure, the upcoming d&d (of which i'm in-charge of)is going to be quite screwed up, with such low response & i cannot bear the thought of having organised a failed event.

and why am i awake and not doing anything about it?i'm wondering about that too, and i've been thinking about what i can do about it, but there's only so much i can do for now. cross my fingers and hope everything turns out to be all right:/

even that doesn't sound convincing.gahh

reminiscing
2:46 AM <3

(: