Ever felt lonely and feel that you dont belong at times?

well, i did. i mean do.

having lived in 2-3 houses and hopping between houses, i guess i just can't help but feel a bit strange each time i come back home after soo long of living at another.i guess it's quite a normal reaction,but not when you dont feel welcomed at all, and worse even having heard and to tolerate such hurtful comments like " go back to where you belong" whenever a quarrel ensues. dude, this is where i belong. but sometimes i really question myself, where do i really belong?is there even a place i can call home?(gee, sounds so national day-ish)

but really, sometimes i feel that my existence is not important and to the extent i feel insignificant. I just discovered recently that should i ever go missing, no one @ home (whichever house itll be)will notice until a few days after that cos everyone will think im at each others house. wow...i should just really conduct an experiment to prove my thesis.

but yea, it's quite tiring pretending to be strong and happy when all these emotional things get to you. its even worse when friends come to you to tell their worries, i mean, i really dont mind being a listening ear, but when is it my turn to be the speaker? yes, i have to say its my fault for cooping everything up and not sharing things with friends, but it's just hard for me to do it. not unless i put my full trust in someone, of which i can think of one or two. but i just dont want to be a nuisance or a burden to anyone in doing so. gosh..im in such a disoriented state now.

and fark, i'm getting damn farked up and stressed over As, i dont feel a tinge of preparedness at all nor confidence. i'm just so afraid to disappoint my aunts, teachers and friends. but most importantly,im afraid of disappointing myself, the taste of failure yet again,having the feeling of shittiness and regrets with questions "where did i go wrong?"


fark. i hate this feeling.

reminiscing
1:26 AM <3

(: