Its been a while since i last posted an entry, been occupied with school, plus, the com is only accesible over at my grandma's hse. of which now, is rather empty without the usual occupants. *sigh* start of '07, it hasn't been particularly bad for me, enjoying my stay @ Muggers' JC, though as the name goes, i'm turning into one myself. lol, first time in the history of malina's life did she mug & read through her lecture notes before going for them!WOW.(yes, it's still the same malina that you know,haha,maybe a little more studious? my cedar teachers shd be proud of me!)
Anyway, there's been a lot going on ard,the usual family stuff. (though im not sure if 'usual' is the right word) Was talking to darrell abt IAG & the breakdown & confess session i had last 2 yrs. then i showed him my entry on it in nov '05. I was reading through it myself & suddenly felt the sudden gush of emotion rush into me.Maybe its due to nostalgia & also due to christina's song on my blog. sentimental enough for such an entry.
Ok,i shan't say that i haven't got over my grandma's death cos i have. its just that i really miss her terribly & her presence. Her presence was the only thing that kept her whole family of 11 children & many grandchildrens & great grandchildrens together. It was her who was the key in ensuring that we kept together as a family, though in reality , we all know that she was the connection in strengthening or at least keeping the family together.
How sad,she leaving us marks the end of the 'close' family relationship. Sometimes i just wonder, why did you have to leave so soon? Remember when i was small, we made a deal with each other that u'll see me graduate in university, & getting a feel of my success & glory together with you? Why did you not live up to it? You did not even give me a proper goodbye when u left this earth, though u did appear in my dreams minutes before you leave me.
With you absent, this family feels empty. its breaking into pieces , torn apart by insentivity & selfishness of its members. Sometimes, i wonder, why do adults, who claim they have more experiences, make stupid decisions & mistakes? even i, know what is needed to be done in such a situation. but come what may, these people abviously are to muddle headed & involved in their own world that they wouldn't give in. Shit ,i hate family politics. Its full of drama. Urgh, what my aunts & uncles dont realise is that in these situations, people get hurt emotionally & get very affected. what i hate most is that my 3 beloved aunts (also my mummys) are affected by it, esp. my mummy. nobody messes with my loved ones. It aches my heart seeing them going through the phase & quietly crying in their room. If only i could help, but what can i do as a kid? Im helpless as it is when they pour out their feelings & say those sad speeches on how they-are-old-and-not-married cos im not a person of words nor of sympathy,esp. in malay. It aches my heart when they both consider abt me when they are going through a rough time. Though i have my own family, they know i'm too close to them to be separated away. & darn you obstructers, who are you to separate me from myloved ones?? Or even give you the right to discuss abt it? fark off from my life, say what you want abt wanting whats best for my mummys. enough abt your claims on what works best for me & having my interest at heart. What you dont know is that you just don't know anythg,nth abt my loved one's feelings nor mine. You shoo my loved ones out of the place they call home & even have the cheek to show up your face? Not even a sign of guilt that I see you displaying on what you did to yur own flesh & blood. You vicious monster,u think you know whats best but you actually don't. Guess what, you think you deserve the respect but i think you don't. No one likes a pusher,esp. one as annoying as you. Do me a favour & fark off ,will you?
