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Wednesday, November 09, 2005

todae has been really a tough day for me, both physically & mentally. had the last day for the program "im gifted, so are you"
sooo sad :( wun be seeing gary,mina & danny-nee no more!*sobs* but will still see them next wed! *counting down* lol..no, i havent fallen in luv with them.
funny how 3 strangers who spent only 3 whole days with us & have already made a really deep impact in my life. wow, amazing you may thk, u may thk it isnt possible,u may even thk they have put me under a spell -_-" no ,juz that they are juz good talkers & trainers who willingly & sincerely shared their life experiences with us. im already inspired*- (:

day 2
shall only elaborate on d last session of d day when gary took over. he did like a psychological thing with us i thk. 1st , he told about his life where he finally learnt how to appreciate when he was in his twenties.said he didnt celebrate his b'dae cos his grandma passed away a few days before that. oh my.. i heard tt already ,my heart dropped. *thud* ahha,suddenly due to my tear glands & sth tt u call feeling & hormones made me have a chemical reaction & i started crying. not like those really sobbing sorts. juz like tears trickled down my cheeks cos somehow he had touched on a sensitive topic to me. coincidentally, i was brooding & bothered & thking abt my late grandma who passed away in april '05 since hari raya. he juz had to go to tt topic.hrmph. then i was crying non-stop cos i was missing my grandma way too much. this year is the 1st hari raya im not celebrating with her. :'(
then he told us to close our eyes & picture & imagine one day,giving us the qns on "what if..." he told us to imagine tt our parents had left us to pass on & every1 juz started crying lyk mad..some of them arr, sobbed like really sobbed ok! i was like thking, control mann~. hah. tt's me,i do show sensitive side of me but not too much of it.
-hiding behind a mask-

day 3
anyway, started d day with amelia calling me to wake me up.heh. still came later to sch cos i overslept a lil. bluehx. tired la. had been having average 4hrs of sleep these past few days since eve of hari raya. ya, very gd i could pick up d fone to answer her call but went back to sleep d next moment. well done *claps hands* ahha,tt wasnt a gd example to follow .dots.

felt really shittified cos i was having flu & cough,wow, nice combination. ahha,then had the super memory thgconducted by mina & got lots more pure entertainment frm d trainers & cedarians :) they made my day, for a while. then we were served spaghetti for lunch,i was really feeling like crap cos i felt nausea & lunch didnt really help. nearly puked out everythg if poon wasnt there to discuss ltc stuff. asked amin regarding my future lifepath . hmm..i really dunno wat to take. im quite keen on phsiotherapy(sports injuries) & psycology.im also interested in theatre studies & social psycology. whoa, big range rite? im considering on gg overseas to study under a bond but then again, it'll cost a lot. thought of gg jc & then...wat comes next?uh oh~ im in deep shit. ahha.

anyway,after tt danny-nee took over n we had a blast doing speed reading :):):) soo fun & challenging!!!ahha, nearly went mad cos i was feeling really sick & trying to speed read. like tt was crazy!ur s'posed to keep calm & relax urself when u feel like puking but d speed reading was like making me really active. lucky i didnt puke.if not there'll be PROCESSED spaghetti in the theatrette! phew.

gary took over after danny-nee & taught us abt life & his experiences. a natural stand up comedian mann. he can digress but watver hes saying can be meaningful in life & soon he'll find his way ard to go back to topic. ahha.still amazed at how all 3 of them can do tt. mayb cos guys are more controllable.ahha. quite true,when girls digress etc. they'll go nuts after hearing a gossip :) hee

had dinner then had CLOSING CEREMONY
i was actually sad tt my parents couldnt come,but when i saw a sms from my dad sayig he'll be late,i was overjoyed!! :) 1st time ever ,i was soo happy my parents came to a function. seriously. u can ask jamie & amelia.hehe. then as usual gary gave a talk to parents bout wat we've learnt. & they were 'forced' to clap intelligently -_-" clap & say "YAY!" haha. parents looked spas.

then d moment ive been anticipating for came
already planned frm yest. tt i will do a public speaking dedicated to my parents.my goal was actually to be the 1st to talk cos i wanted to get over & done with it & not change my mind or chicken out. huda did 1st ,quite sad. marion did after tt. more saddening. then i was 3rd to speak .. i was telling myself not to cry even b4 i start ok! but nOoo...my tear glands choose not to cooperate with me cos marion & huda's speech really affected me. of course i was a lil nervous but wat i cared more was what to tell my parents. im quite used to talking in front so it wasnt suchmuch of a stage fright or watever u call it. i was kinda crying but tried to control myself.
dun rmb much of wat i said but roughly

" ive learnt bout appreciating others esp. ur parents ,from this camp, even lesson in life. b4 this prog, i thought this is a prog all abt studying only.but i was wrong,it teaches me values in life that cannot be taught,but can only be shared & learnt.i learnt tt one shd appreciate & spend quality time with ur family. i really gotta thank gary for waking me up & making me realise this. i have to be frank with u,pardon my language, but my communication with my family sucks. really,i only see my parents abt twice in a wk cos i live at my grandma's(now my aunts') & when i see my mum,i barely aknowledge her nor say a word or two. i realise the importance of appreciating some1 & making sure they know you love them after a personal experience. something tragic happened to my family recently this year. my grandma passed away. my regret is not being able to tell her i luv her b4 she died though i know i do but i cant say it. i noe we all have our ego & pride but i feel tt we shd put that aside & tell ur loved ones how you feel b4 its too late. i have one advice for all, treasure even moment you spend with ur loved ones be it parents or friends cos they are memories meant to be kept & cherished"

thk tt's abt it ar, though my sentences a bit funny @ d point i was saying it cos i was crying ,cos i remembered & somehow missed my grandma & it was also dedicated to her. somehow,ahha,not being ego ar, i thk i did ok for the speech or watever u call it quite ok though it was impromtu.

yea,tt's abt it for now. i know wat i symbolise: a tall tree growing among the shorter trees. not because i want to pretend to be tall but i guess u can interpret it by urself la ya..ahha shant write it here.:) was juz thking bout wat i symbolise when i see this tall coconut tree at d ibs bus stop. then related it to myself & found it quite ME.lol

reminiscing
11:40 PM <3

(: