havent blogged for a while.. getting bz again..with exams...e anxiety is killing me..hehe..this is bad but i'm very very scared i'll screw up my end year exams...argh...i dun wan to be disappointed..i dun wish to have tt heavy feeling sink in my heart. tt feeling of sadness,disappointment, with a taste of failure added to it. mann..i soo dun wan to have tt feeling all over again. i dun wish lose control & composure if i were to get my papers filled with red marks. i dun wish to let those tears come down,i dun wish to break down in front of others, showing e weaker side of me. i juz wan to be strong.
i dun noe y, but since this year i've been very sensitive n emotional, tt i can cry if some1 brings up a sensitive topic..y am i like this? i can even cry when seeing those little kids suffering at another part of e world on tv. whoa...is it me? mayb its due to hormones..heh..but like i mentioned many times, since my late grandma passed away,i've been like tt. sigh.. i'm not tt strong girl anymore..i realise now i kinda show my emotions quite openly. juz talk bout my results n i can juz cry a few mins later..goodness..i thk im crazy! hehe..nowadays i tend to get irritated very easily, any1 tt show me black face i'll be thking wats their prob. ahha, usually i'll analyse y n wat made them so moody or sth. but now,i'll juz control my emotions b4 e person provoke me anymore n make me erupt.ahha, change of moodswing i guess.. funny thing is,i realise im not e only one who gets irritated easily. mayb its due to eye exam fever of which every1 has caught.
watever it is,i'm juz sick n tired. tired of putting on a show. tired of keepin n holding my emotions to myself. tired of putting up with e diff moodswings of my friends. tired of comforting n trying to lighten n cheer ppl up with tt spastic smile of mine. i'm tired of all this. tired of showin a brave front in front of others. pls,i do have emotions. i noe i have this thing in me tt makes ppl think im easy on things,they feel im ok with it n tend to take advantage of e friendship; *sigh*seriously, do u noe y? its cos tt i hate conflicts n quarrels to happen in friedships. i also tend to thk of others b4 myself,even if it means tt i wun be quite happy with it. i'll juz thk "live with it. this is life." cos i noe we girls r usually petty, getting angry over e slightest thing.fine i'm contradicting myself since im a girl. but i'm not saying remarks against girls or anything,but this is a fact.
there i said it all. im juz shagged.exhausted.there's juz soo many things tt i haave to thk abt now,my mind is gg crazy. it's like pleading n gg "OVERLOADD!!" hehe.. ok i should juz see e bright side of life. n continue mugging for eye. working hard b4 sth is better than doin it on e day itself n screwing up. one of e things ive learnt frm organising events n all. its true. suffer now rather than later. sure hope so. -world of pretension
