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Wednesday, May 10, 2006

Exams are finally over.. Thank goodness! Went out with jacinda & liane to town. it was superduper hot wearing uniform! all jac's fault, she didn't want to go hm.i was complaining to her abt me melting, heh , just to annoy her a little & all. (eekks.. i must have sounded like a spoilt brat/bimbo.) Ate at swensens, my usual chicken baked rice, YUM!I was feeling lethargic cos we had to walk for soo long, went from one end to another part of town, cos the two shopaholics just can't stop. I'm a victim of shopping, shoppers' partner(like the passage we got for eng paper) Anyway, it's back to leading back my normal life, instead of sleep,eat, mug.hah.

Anyway, i went for a seminar on one of the weekends(when i came it ended-_-") but the people i met taught me a lot of things. definitely an eye opener. :) Even did a reflection & soul-searching. lol.

"It all starts with you. What you want to be is entirely up to you. no one has the right to control or decide for you other than yourself. We humans are so bounded by circumstances that we tend to always play the blaming game. We blame many things when we don't excel, the weather,the teachers, the opponents other than ourselves. That's a bad habit we have , what is worse we don't realise we're actually doing it & not even doing anything about it."

That was what i learnt when i met an acquaintance. What he said is true. I should stop this bad habit of blaming & giving excuses whenever i experience a failure in life. that will do me no good, nor will it make the situation any better. well, maybe we may feel a little better as we do not have to own up to our mistakes, but will it actually help us the in future? surely not. to think of it, it'd be quite cowardly to make excuses & not own up to our mistakes.

I should be focused on my goals in life & not even bother about what others are doin / say of it. I realise that he mouth is a powerful & influencial thing that we use as a form of communication. Sadly, we humans abuse it by means of bad-mouthing, gossiping . There's no point in putting a person down or even bad-mouthing him/her as it won't be of any use. We do those things just to get a form of satisfaction from our jealousy or plain evilness. There's no point in bein so concerned about what your enemy does. The result of it is most probably your downfall for not keeping your life on track & in some cases, he/she may actually get victory. How funny life works. Our intention of originally making life difficult for our enemy may actually be used as a form of motivation for the enemy itself. So,
morale of the story: Mind your own business :)

reminiscing
7:04 PM <3

(:

Monday, May 01, 2006

Two papers gone, 8 more papers to go. (not subjects, officially there's 8 subs altogether but there's diff segments)
Quite relieved languages papers are over, except for a little bit of anxiety over the outcome.I'll have to worry about it later & focus more on the core subjects. Been quite happy with myself as i'm been going back to hub to study everyday. *yayness* I love that place; play hard, study hard. ahha, i can always reward myself by playing pool :)

Anyway, i haven't beeen quite happy over some event that happened. Had a family gathering over the weekend cos of late grandma one year death anniversary. I never liked family gatherings, maybe it's the people or maybe it's just me.To close one eye, I've already done that,more than once in fact. I'm flabbergasted over the act. Especially for this sort of solemn situation, I am disappointed over the behaviour of some ppl. Tell me, for such a solemn event, which idiot will barge in late & even come in with improper attire? A relative of mine did, wait, is there more than one? You may think it's cool wearing short sleeves & overalls, but for such an event its soo wrong. I have to admit i do wear sleevessless tops & all , but not on such occassions. I'm just disappointed that they didn't know better. Maybe their senses aren't common enough. Or maybe,just a possibility, while rushing outta the house, they left their brains behind. For that, i would have understand.
Not only that, if you can't read the Jawi verses while we were reading it, don't treat it as achit chat session. Urgh, the temptation of wanting to tell them off was so great. It was amazing that i was able to restrain myself, maybe because i know it'd be an ugly scene if i did do so, since they're older cousins, but hey, i thought adults are supposed to know the right time for things. guess this proved them wrong. Ok, maybe i'm just biased as there's always this bugging feeling of dislike for them. Well, they openly showed their distaste for my family. then, i'll gladly say the feeling is mutual. :) Seriously, you treat my family so 'well' & mock us, so why should i give you the outmost respect? Respect has to be earned, not forced. The only respect i can give you is merely because we're related, no more than that. Do not be jealous over my siblings' & my achievements, we've earned it hard,& well. You may have the money, who cares? I do not have as much but i'm doing quite fine. What does that prove?
Ok, I shan't brood over such unhappiness. It's a waste of time,effort & makes my blood boil. No point, let them lead their own lives & my family, ours. I'm contented with what i have & i will definitely prove to you my family can be better off. give me 10 more years, i'll prove you wrong. Don't look down on my family just because you're better off. Look at yourself & reflect over your life.
& who are you to decide who i should live with? I'm happy as it is living with my aunt on weekdays & parents on the weekends. My aunt enjoys my company, she's like a second mum. Why must you go over the issue with her to suggest about me living with my parents? Urgh, my presence don't even disturb you nor disrupt your life. HAH. You might say you have an interest in my life, but hell, that's crap. You say i'm a parasite, but do you even know how close i am to my aunt? How do you even know im being a pest at home. Pls, get a life! Separating me from my aunt is a no no, your plan wont even succeed. my aunt treats me like her child,i'm her companion & friend.So you can just go mind your own business.

Haven't been quite focused over the week ends. Urgh, i'm pissed with myself. Maybe because i just missed my grandma. How time flies. it's been a year since her death. memories just keep flooding back to me. i can still remember on the day she passed on. & to think that before that i was still having plans on taking care of her when i grow older. Or at least let her see me graduate . All of this plans gone now, only painful memories left. believe it or not, i still haven't got over the fact that she's gone. I realise that she's the one that has been keeping this big family together. Her presence kept the family together, well, at least they still come to visit. Now, barely anyone comes by. Guess life's like that. Everyone each lead their own lives, only their own.

reminiscing
4:42 PM <3

(: