im so freaking pissed off! argh!
i juz cant stand it.y e hell am i even related to __?! __ nvr even carry out his duties as supposed to. that freakin stingy SOB. i'm soo angry & hurt. must i always have some misunderstanding with the one closest to heart? i dun demand much,they're e freaking prob. y is it when i request for sth even if politely n in a nice tone, they must react with tt long face n stupid remarks that hurts so badly? remarks or comments that juz leave scars? stop it moron, i cant stand it,im still young & schooling, y do u demand n expect soo freaking much from me? what wrong have i done?y are u juz against me? y is it when i see u on that few rare times of e wk u have juz got to find fault with me? im sick of all this bullshitting,sick of u n ur stupid immature attitude, sick of u & ur lousy way of carrying out ur responsibility. guess wat, im tired of trying to make tt effort to be closer to u. im tired of being the one to make tt effort. im sick of u both making me feel like an outcast.wtf.

reminiscing
8:32 PM <3

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i declare the Cedar Final Examinations OPEN!

lol..kk tt's lame but yeaps, we juz started our eng paper(n ended it a few hours ago) hmm..e qns werent tt difficult. didnt expect tt kidna stuff to come out. esp. e mothers' day feature article. did on e qn darkness.ahha.it was shorter then the situational writing. anyway, i had a busy schedule after sch. Went rd looking for l regarding e nomination forms..ahha me n shaza can practically walk rd e whole sch with our eyes close n know where we are! ahha..we went round e sch @ least 3 times! when we finally saw her, it was not her we're s'pose to see but another tchr! *beesh*

then made my way to library to meet e obs. ppl to pass them e soft copy while i tried doin my own work while waiting for time to pass by. i have to say, they got to update or buy new coms for e ones in e library as it's kinda slow,worse than me!:P after tt left sch @ ard 2.30pm to head down to my cuz's place to alter my 3/4 skirt n humongous shirts! yay! means ill be able to use them soon! hehe..n stayed there for 1hr plus to play with my cuz's cat+eat lunch +rest n headed down to physio! thila wasnt there but her friend was! shes juz as nice but e treatment she gave was "shioookk!!" ahha..got introduced to a deadly instrument called e poking needle(lamen terms) to massage e rite spots n break off e scar tissues of my hamstring. it was definitely a killer but gotta endure in order to recover for next season. yeaps,then went straight to jssc for campteen exco mtg with e rest. mann i missed them all soo much! n we discussed bout campteen! (which unfortunately clashes with ltc's 1st day) n i found out some of e mib-ers will be gg for OBS! arrr...i also want! but there was only limited space so cant go.*sobs* tsk tsk. wijaya's n jas's stories bout obs make me wanna go for it badly!!i miss camps!hrmph. anyway, we might have to meet e instrs frm e previous campteen company so tt they can teach us n impart some skills to us! how exciting! but it'll be after exam! tt's gd cos its after tt but bad cos i'll be having a tight schedule! ok i shant talk bout having all tt fun now,shd focus on eye exams 1st.wish me best of luck! -hehe

reminiscing
11:19 PM <3

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havent blogged for a while.. getting bz again..with exams...e anxiety is killing me..hehe..this is bad but i'm very very scared i'll screw up my end year exams...argh...i dun wan to be disappointed..i dun wish to have tt heavy feeling sink in my heart. tt feeling of sadness,disappointment, with a taste of failure added to it. mann..i soo dun wan to have tt feeling all over again. i dun wish lose control & composure if i were to get my papers filled with red marks. i dun wish to let those tears come down,i dun wish to break down in front of others, showing e weaker side of me. i juz wan to be strong.

i dun noe y, but since this year i've been very sensitive n emotional, tt i can cry if some1 brings up a sensitive topic..y am i like this? i can even cry when seeing those little kids suffering at another part of e world on tv. whoa...is it me? mayb its due to hormones..heh..but like i mentioned many times, since my late grandma passed away,i've been like tt. sigh.. i'm not tt strong girl anymore..i realise now i kinda show my emotions quite openly. juz talk bout my results n i can juz cry a few mins later..goodness..i thk im crazy! hehe..nowadays i tend to get irritated very easily, any1 tt show me black face i'll be thking wats their prob. ahha, usually i'll analyse y n wat made them so moody or sth. but now,i'll juz control my emotions b4 e person provoke me anymore n make me erupt.ahha, change of moodswing i guess.. funny thing is,i realise im not e only one who gets irritated easily. mayb its due to eye exam fever of which every1 has caught.

watever it is,i'm juz sick n tired. tired of putting on a show. tired of keepin n holding my emotions to myself. tired of putting up with e diff moodswings of my friends. tired of comforting n trying to lighten n cheer ppl up with tt spastic smile of mine. i'm tired of all this. tired of showin a brave front in front of others. pls,i do have emotions. i noe i have this thing in me tt makes ppl think im easy on things,they feel im ok with it n tend to take advantage of e friendship; *sigh*seriously, do u noe y? its cos tt i hate conflicts n quarrels to happen in friedships. i also tend to thk of others b4 myself,even if it means tt i wun be quite happy with it. i'll juz thk "live with it. this is life." cos i noe we girls r usually petty, getting angry over e slightest thing.fine i'm contradicting myself since im a girl. but i'm not saying remarks against girls or anything,but this is a fact.

there i said it all. im juz shagged.exhausted.there's juz soo many things tt i haave to thk abt now,my mind is gg crazy. it's like pleading n gg "OVERLOADD!!" hehe.. ok i should juz see e bright side of life. n continue mugging for eye. working hard b4 sth is better than doin it on e day itself n screwing up. one of e things ive learnt frm organising events n all. its true. suffer now rather than later. sure hope so.
-world of pretension

reminiscing
5:37 PM <3

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5 days have passed by so quickyly and e september hols is gonna end in 2 days time. *sobs*
can't believe time pass by so quickly. in 2 weeks time i'll be having my first end year paper,english followed by 2 weeks of exams..then exactly 3 weeks later ill by having my malay O level paper *gulps*

anyway,i actually got to have a quick hol from sun-tues. went to malacca 1st then to KL. ok,it kinda relieved stress but then again, i was having fever & all so it wouldnt be of much diff if i was in s'pore. managed to do a lil of bio during e travelling time in e car. even got to shop a lil! *grins* soo cheap! ahha..my sis was goin gaga over e prices & the diff. variety of food we can eat there(as most were halal). funny thing i noticed there's always this sign @ e carparks outside the hotels " park at own risk " whoa..i wonder wat tt means... so can i conclude tt the locals are "risk-takers" since they park their vehicles there everytime?ahha. tt's lame.

got back to singapore @ 1.30am on wednesday morning. rested till ard noon then got back to studying. =( met up with bev to discuss 12th nite @ bugis. then supposed to go sentosa to meet shirr n co. but was lazy to do so & waste of time travelling. hehe..so i didnt meet them; e journey hm in e bus was bad..full of odour of different kinds.. i suppose some mad person,unfortunately a commuter taking same bus as me,peeed in his pants & stink e whole bus. not only tt, some moron actually went drinking n broad daylight n reeked of alcohol. eekkkss...so u can imagine e bus smell of BO+ toilet stench + alcohol =bad bad odour. i nearly fainted during e whole 45min journey! ahha..wanted to get down e bus to take another but thought it'd be time consuming.yeaps..

went to sch on thurdae to take my lit bks n study bio. then made my way to east cost to meet SB ppl! yayness! finally met them after sooo long! ahha. was feeling mentally drained from studying so i suggested a new game! "who-sit-e-longest" contest! lol..specially made for lazy ppl! so e championS were

*drumrolls*

me, haikel & bryant!

lol. we didnt budge from e mats, tanned in e sun( no choice,weren't in e shade!) n we actually planned to study. took out all our books. so enthu to study @ e beach. lol. then slowly one after one started stoning & we gave up n started chatting away. ahha. so much for studying. then stayed with jas n shaz to meet her friend. (whom i thk is a total major pain in e arse to make girls wait for 1hr ++) unintentionally pang seh shaz when me n jas took 135 w/o her.opps! ....sorry >_<

friday
went to sch with jas to study! surprised tt not many sec4s study in sch! then coincidentally red cross had their farewell. kinda amusing to look @ them play their games. then this lady who s'posed to be at another function @ TMP thought e food @ e canteen was for her! -_-" she was like inspecting e food n gave bad comments to her friend bout it! *beesh* soo mean. 1st of all they could have asked e few of us @ e dining hall(she called it a tuckshop -_-")if she's @ e rite place. me n jas thought she was a parent of one of e rcy girls @ first,tt's y we didnt approach her or anything. then studied insch till 4.30pm n went hm for a nap(supposedly). ended up waking up @ 8am! lol. yeap,now waiting for time to pass by to go for e ndp rally discussion @ grassroot organisation with sining n achu.

reminiscing
12:26 PM <3

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Cedar
Open House 2005!

i have to saY, this is my very first involvement in organising an event/in-charge of which i'm proud n satisfied of, Cedar Open House 2005! hehe.. e OH(open house) totally rocks! e deco was e besttT! mrs woo definitely deserve a round of applause! can u imagine, e sch decorated with helium star balloons!(sadly,i didnt manage to bring one hm! *sobs*) then @ e courtyard there was e word "CEDAR" made up of small balloons! sooo cute! n to add to tt, each p6 kiddo tt comes to our sch gets a balloon! (it's kinda small but e cute kind) with the name CeDAR printed on it...coolio~ hehe i lurve e deco. sad tt i didnt get e star balloon! ahha...me n shaza were eyeing at them since like...let me see ....6.35am in e morning! lol.

yeap, today started off quite ermm.. quite from wat we planned. cos 3 ppl were sick n couldnt come.(luckily ONE out e 3 informed me so i called miang joo to replace her!she was a life saver!) hehe ...i didnt want to come to i was still sick n had a terrible headache n fever + flu but didnt have much of a choice do i? so practically dragged myself out of bed n off to sch @ 6 + to get ready for OH. i thought i was really early but there were others who were earlier,ppl from other cca. crazy ppl, ahha. the e whole sch was so quiet n dark,it felt like e times when we had to come early to set up obstacles.ahha,there were tables even @ e empty corridor tt made it more convicing like we're setting up.hehe..then me n shaza were like" where's e ropes?go set up." -_-" ahha..tt was lame but we were trying to lighten e mood n away frm stress,anxiety etc. some came later than supposed time of which made me n shaza pissed for a moment for we saw them strolling in happilywhile we were giving briefing to e rest.ahha we were thking "if only we were instructors (then)life wld be easier" ahha,,,this may sound like abuse of authority but i thk it quite true tt most ppl show/realise e importance of time & urgency during OAC(only).after tt they tend to leave it behind or cant be bothered to be punctual @ proper times. heh. anyway,we gave out e lanyards(where i bought from 5 diff popular stores!record!) n OH started.

yeaps,me & e exco had to walk n walk ard e whole sch to make sure everythings all rite. AT first there wasnt much to do as there were only a few parents & it was still very early.so i juz walked ard..'visiting' e diff ppl @ diff duty areas to make sure they noe their jobs n juz say hi to them! ahha. funny thing is wherever i went to i met shaza! lol. mere coincidence. i was like e runner reminding ppl bout e talk. e millions of calls i keep making(i wonder bout my bill) n running here n there with a runny nose,i look pathetic. ahha. oh ya, fnn's drink was nice =)

anyway, this years bunch of p6 n parents r kinda amusing to start with. their idiosyncrasies n diff behaviour kinda entertained me .heh

1. One parent was clicking away photos of practically every area tt we brought them to -_-" i thought u only do tt when buying houses?

2. Some parents commented on e condition of e phone outside e staffrm. "y so old ar?" ahha..e poor phone is overused by cedarians everyday.wat can u expect? =)

3. some parents were concerned about e cemetery next to our sch n e digging of e remains. "they dig e remains e spirits nvr disturb u meh?7th month somemore" -_-''' so far, there has been no story of spirits invading cedar- YET! lol.

4.one very concerned n loving parent asked ;) "e bus stop is soo far from e sch(n they're talkin bout e one @ cedar pri) wat if my daughter is tired ,got no chairs nor seats to rest at" this is e first time i'm hearing this! ahha..then wat,put various check pts for resting?it's not like ur running a marathon u noe >_< students ="P)">6. p6 kiddos were concerned about using hp models w/o camera n radio; mum says " nvm la,u can use ur dad's"
p6 gurl replies " eeekkk...daddy's fone so old n ugly! " *faints* haiyo, not as though ur daddy dear is using those really old ones, e bigg bulky hps tt i call 'cordless phone' =)

tt's all i guess. hmmm...let me thk , no more of funny cases . though i still can remember a few from last year's induction.heeee...during cca exhibition

1. one parent was concerned bout HIS daughter joining ncc/npcc n doin foot drills in e hot scorching sun. he even asked " y nvr do in e shade?(tt's reasonable suggestion,n they actually do tt @ times!) y nvr do foot drills in e MPH?air-con mahh.." lmao.. i've nvr heard of such a thing as foot drills in an enclosed air-con area. let me suggest " y not do it @ nite? no sun mahh..ahha..then might as well have nite cca"

2. same concern. diff cca. this act happened to e track booth n i was e one talking k! e guy ask " my daughter train so many times a wk get black how?" haiyo,it's TANNED. * faints AGAIN* so i said " it's good tt ur daughter train to get fit! then get nice tan n it actually pays off during nats =) " the he kept buggin me w qns,as though waiting for me to burst so tt he can complain to e tchr. it's obvious u noe,he was giving that smirk. ahha. TRY me. then he ask " y u all nvr go indoor std to train?" i was thking (he's madd) then i said " e only indoor std we have in s'pore is e indoor stadium @ kallang which isnt even a stadium, juz a concert hall" muahahahaha.. tt shut him all rite.

tsk.i cant think of e other funny things tt they ask! ahha,..later if i suddenly rmb i shall post it =) anyway,in conclusion to all these,i predict tt e years to come batches r *ahem* cannot make it kind. if sign them up for wilderness adventure camp, sure will die in 2 days! lol...wait, not even sure if they can survive school in cedar =P

a big THANK YOU to all that helped in doin e preparation & in any way involved in e Open House 2005. w/o your help,OH would not be a success. Thanks for all e hard work,sweat & energy used up(replenished by drinnkin fnn drink; glucose!^-^). OH woulnt be smooth-flowing if not for u guys! thanks ! muackss!

reminiscing
6:00 PM <3

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Thursday, September 01, 2005

hoho.. yesterday was a slacking dae for mua! oh ya,todae's teachers' day! so

HAPPY TEACHERS' DAY!!

ahha..diao diao.. anyway,yesterday's celebration in sch was ok la... we bought ms lavina flowers n tweety bird!!! hehehe..luckily e bouquet tt i bought didnt look so pathetic :/ like i bought it only @ 9.40pm! dots! then i made e florist guy stay to wrap for me e flowers cos when i came he was actually closing! so sweet of him to do so..felt a bit guilty but he was ok with it =)
anyway, psls assembled @ e 1st level empty corridor while me,shaza n sharron went ard looking for ms lavina.then when we escorted ms lavina down to 1st level empty corridor ,e psls cheered like crazy! ahha..superstar! ms lavina was surprised n touched! whheeee``` psls rock! n then talked to psls, praised them ^-^ for their efficiency n enthusiasm.(ahha..so unlike on wed when i talked to them on punctuality)

anyway,after tt we had psl bonding session tt consisted of me,shaza n sharron!-_-" lol.. we were slacking ard e sch,watching ppl play,then cracking lame jokes etc. hehehe..then after sch went back to pri sch! juz to see ONE person! dearest ms minnoli!!! finally saw her! ahha..miss her soo much! me n char went to e hall where e celebrations were gg on.kinda lame~ to me,e ppl enjoying e concert was e kiddos n e parent volunteers itself who performed.lol. im so mean =X

then i saw ms minnoli!! ahha... wanted to approach her BUT! next to her was my one of e hated list teacher! *didi*(name has been changed to protect e identity of e person) lol. ya, still cant stand her face mann.. like toh once said to our class, she has e "SLAP ME!" face.. muahahaha. still rmb e day i told her off in p6 cos she badly wanted to noe wat e heck is e prob with me n e track team with her(ans: YOU! =P) then having e truth smacked @ her face, she wasnt happy on wat i told her. diao diao diao. so nonsensical.made me stay back for 1 hr ++ juz staring @ her face. wasted my time,wasted everyone's time.

then e next day, my knight in shinin armour talked to me! ahha..said she knew was happened e previous day, n of course i defended myself n she said she was on my side n told me to ignore tt woman! wahaha...she totally rocks man! even another tchr agrees with mua! n my old coach also talked to me b4 tt incident cos she complained to him bout me during e track meet when i was running!walau...talk bout talking behind me back! beesh.. but he was soo sweet bout it. he defended me n said i was nice n not like wat she thought i was like. *3 cheers for old coach!* ahha, then rite e irony is tt she already said "i'm not a person who bear grudges" when she finally released me. then i was like " neither do i. i forgive n forget" ahha.. then rite, from tt incident onwards ,she give me black face whenever she sees me! wah, not my fault ok,i tried smiling n even greeted her n she react by acting *toot*!

anyway, back to seeing ms minoli! she look so tired n shagged now,i kinda pity her,she's still so young but she looked quite old. yeaps, then she said they're having p5 camp @ labrador during these hols!!! eeekkkss... then we were both talking bout how bad e place looked like etc. n she invited me to go labrador ! ahha..half of me want to go cos i wan to go play e high e but half of me like thinking of my studies. *hrmph* mayb i can hop by for a day to play with e high e cos didnt even get to do it during oac =(

anyway after tt i met with shaza to buy e open hse stuff! came 1 hr late.cos i somehow got lost -_-" cos 1st time taking e bus then was in e bus blindly look for signs of tampines mall! ahha..lucky shaza dearest wasnt angry!then we were sitting on e floor of popular thinkin of how to allocate wat colour lanyard to wat duties. lame jokes were said n all..hehe..didnt have enough lanyards for everyone. then met with sharron to go to white sands to go e popular there. only found 3 lanyards! dotz. was like dying in e bus already cos i felt feverish(sick now :( )then i went to compass pt to go e popular there! so a record of 3 populars tt i went to in ONE dae! luckily i can order in advanced so save me e troubles. wahh..so i went hm like a dying soul n when i reached hm i went wash up n went to bed. ahha, so now i'm blogging here ,supposed to be doin lots more other things but since i havent updated for some time,might as well do so now. so irritating tt im sick now when there's load of stuff to be done.hopefully i can recover by today! so tt sat i can be fit for Open House 2005!=)

reminiscing
10:48 AM <3

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