National track is finally over! it was on 20/7/2005, yesterday to be exact. yeap, our sch did quite w
ell,proud to say that! :) though of course it wasnt as exciting as last year,mayb cos e venue isnt at nat. std where e whole sch shd be present. mayb also cos i wasnt involved in the meet at all. sigh. dunno y but juz felt so weird waiting & cheering at e grandstand instead of bein e one runnin. i dunno y, but that feeling juz kept haunting me yesterday. felt funny though i was excited & adrenaline was pumping, cheering my heart out for our sch.
*sigh* i miss competitive running. basically i juz miss sprinting. period. ok..bet many r sick of hearing me saying all this again ...im sick of this feeling too. i juz hope & pray hard i'll recover this year n hopefully can compete next year. *prays hard* feel as though a part of my life is missing.lol..not to an exaggeration extent but still theres not much of thrill i can look forward to.
but e thing that upset me most was like somethings tt happened. first of all,i was rather traumatised?(is tt e word?lol) cos i saw an acquantaince pulled his hamstring during his 100m race. OUCH! like i saw it 'live'..its sth of which i dun ever wish to see. not even wish for it to happen to me. tt's currently my phobia. wonder if i'll get over my fear of tt?will i get over it after i recover? i sure hope so.tts one thing. e other thing that upset me was really like as though i got kicked in e face or like renny described "stabbed in e heart n made to wipe my own blood"lol.. lit students` tsk tsk. seriously,i wasnt insulted or anything. juz tt i was already kinda sad so ya was kinda taken aback w it. like imagine some1 tells u to call non-sch team ppl to go down to assemble but when u gothere,they say we dun have to be there.it's juz like saying we're not needed`.thks mann for categorising us tt way.
thanks for rubbing salt into the wound.i really appreciate tt. ahha.
but again.who cares if they categorise us.we're still in it. mayb they said it unintentinally cos it was chaotic? MAYBE. possible. might be. in fact ,thats e only & most rationale i can thk of for tt act..SHOULD be.
there's no I in a team :)
aim for the sky cos u'll nvr noe u might reach ur goal :)
reminiscing
9:27 PM <3
(:
I open my eyes
I try to see but I’m blinded by the white light
I can’t remember how
I can’t remember why
I’m lying here tonight
And I can’t stand the pain
And I can’t make it go away
No I can’t stand the pain
How could this happen to me
I made my mistakes
I’ve got no where to run
The night goes on
As I’m fading away
I’m sick of this life
I just wanna scream
How could this happen to me
Everybody’s screaming
I try to make a sound but no one hears me
I’m slipping off the edge
I’m hanging by a thread
I wanna start this over again
So I try to hold onto a time when nothing mattered
And I can’t explain what happened
And I can’t erase the things that I’ve done
No I can’t
How could this happen to me
I made my mistakes
I’ve got no where to run
The night goes on
As I’m fading away
I’m sick of this life
I just wanna scream
How could this happen to me
I made my mistakes
I’ve got no where to run
The night goes on
As I’m fading away
I’m sick of this life
I just wanna scream
How could this happen to me
-simple plan 'untitled'
reminiscing
9:03 PM <3
(:
okok..u may thk im mad wriiting 2 entries @ a time. ahha..i dunno,i juz feel ive got lotsa to thk & talk.
guess wat!im soo proud of myself!yest i studies & self-trained! woohoo` ahha..been wanting to do tt but since im more free now,i can do all of tt! had high 5 youths talk yeast from 10-ard 1then we had free lunch sponsored by (okok unhealthy)kfc! ahha..then we chit chat n talk bout stuff..till ard 2?ahha..then me,jas n shuib didnt noe where to study..smart us...ahha..then decided on bishan macs n did a maths! ahha..kinda funny cos me n shuib were juz staring @ e qns,then our tuition tchr came to e rescue..jas!
lol then after tt ard 6 sth i went to s'goon std to train.funny rite since bishan was nearer to me..but s'goon is juz like my fav place.to think n run. did ard 30min run ard e track. kinda sian cos same scenery...ahha..then i didnt now wat to do..so did drills! i missed it badly! ahha..then was like trying to do e proper drills..kinda difficult cos no one to correct me n all. then i did like a few stridings..wheee..soo fun! e feeling was damn good! then i was like juz like thking n staring at ppl running.e feeling of e std @ nice was really nice..i shall do it more often.hehe.it somehow make me thk. n i saw this man n woman trg,e guy looked oddly familiar.ahha..then they ran for lotsa rounds n i jus cheered for him..ahha..dunno y..
then e guy approached me n we talked..no wonder la! he's a coach! -_-" n hes nyp coach somemore!lol..silly me..of course i rmb him.cos i trained @ nyp last time n i saw him.n he's soo nice!...gave me some motivational talk.. cos @ 1st he asked whos my coach..i was like ermm..no coach?lol..i dunno y i said tt..cos i havent been trg with e sch i guess..but of cos tay & p is still my coach! =)anyway,e guy is so nice! ahha..got me to thk to work hard for next year!
i realise ive been really -ve thinking for at least this past few months,i dunno y,mayb cos of injury,i didnt have the motivation to train,lose my confidence n worse lose my self-discipline.yeap..i guess lotsa things happen n are like signs u noe..for me to pull myself together n start working hard again! i'm so motivated now..hehe...thanks jieming & arica for bein there for me! i'll wrk hard,i promise tt!=)
reminiscing
2:16 PM <3
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Reflections gg on: reflecting on the mirror ...lol
kfd is finally over.somewhat relieved but also sadd? i dunno,having mixed feelings bout it. anyway,bet lotsa ppl must be asking?how was it n all? in my opinion,i thk it was screwed up. no,im not bein hard on myself,(ok mayb i am) but its really bad :( the turn out was 60+ old folks & cope helpers. frankly,the one tt became fittest was me!lol..cos i was running from place to place.okok..i ran round the whole sch the whole time(i dun see e use of a walkie talkie cos mine was a lil unreliable n faulty?)
kfd was disorganised.fullstop.got no one to blame but myself. seriously,i juz sucked at all this. first was orientation,then oac then keep fit dae. what else can i screw up?i'm so sorry to all that had confidence in me to organise the games n activities.im sorry for screwing up. argh..im so angry w myself. i noe tchr r disappointed with us. sorry for tat too.
it wwent ok w e lunch with e tchrs & 1st ics. i was trying to relax i guess. then excused myself to the prep of all the stuff. a lot of e arrows had chi grammatical or watever errors.how e heck wld i noe?im not a chi.n marble in mly is guli! ahha...not goli!goli is old malay..see,my malay isnt tt bad.=) then i told them to come back @ 1.35 for briefing but everyone was bz n forgot or worst in e 1st place,not listening or cant be bothered.i wasnt pissed cos i noe everyone was bz helping each other out.so i told them, meet @ 3.20.
again,nobody came n most of them were at god knows where?(i dun even care),waited for 10min for them to come. then was juz about to give fast briefing BuT the guest already came. wonderful~ so told them to come down. drinks not even ready @ stations,some ppl somehow say they didnt rcvd e email bla bla thus dunno their duties. sorry,i'm not bein sympathetic here but cant u thk one step further n ask ur friends to check for u?i cant possibly tell u personally what ur duty is,n again,u r leaders,u shd have e initiative.i've got other things to do. i had also print out one copy & some 1st ics have also printed out e copy. n i put it @ e table for them to refer. did anyone check?not many..i'm proud of those who have done that,thank you guys for taking e initiative.
Then e best part, after I set up the games, some ppl r juz soo nice to play with them n making things messy. grrr..then i told them nicely to put back properly,but it was different frm original setting. *claps claps* yay! like i needed tt.hmm..mayb i was bein too nice.like its true tt when ur nice,ppl tend to step over ur head.. but if i'm too firm,ppl mayb juz hate it..but again,they're my juniors.i dun want them to think of me as e strict gurl or sth.
then in e end ,many either forgot or dunno their duties. but e gd thing is,they automatically juz chose a station. gd job guys! sorry again i was disorganised.
i didnt enter e sports hall for e opening cos wanted to check all stations were ok n ready.luckily they were.*phew* gotta thank e ldrs again! yea...then i found out many of those helping were always in cliques n kinda slacking..tt got me disappointed of course.
after tt,some stations were not even visited by old folks,mayb cos e no was too small.i wasnt very sad bout it,but i was kinda sorry to those who volunteered to help.so guilty. but then again ,as long as old folks were happy n enjoyed themselves i'm ok! :D karaoke was most visited,happy with e response :) but i dunno,seeing all these all folks lead me thinking of my late grandma. if only she's alive,n get to come for this event, will i get to her her laughter?or even get to see her smile?(cos my grandma had stroke on her left side of body n bed-ridden.) so while patrolling ard,i was trying to control my emotions & all from thking of such stuff.the event was finally over n i didnt get to see the closing too.ahha..cos i had to look for a missing handbag. so ran ard e sch 2-3 times looking for it. n guess wat?it was found already -_-"".ahha..like i mentioned again,i thk i became fittest tt dae for running ard. ahha..
then we had debrief...by all 1st ics then tchrs... i wasnt prepared for it cos i was bz again looking for __.i juz came to sports hall & heard sy debriefing for a few lines then it was my turn.uh oh~ ahha...i was still panting frm running..n i had to debrief. ahha...ok..u may thk debrief is easy for me from listening to me @ oac,but it was hard ok. i didnt even plan wat to say. was trying to control my emotions,was thinking of +ve n -ve stuff to say. ermm... so sorry of i sounded like i was debriefing during oac.i didnt rite?did i? well..i thk i didnt..ahha..but i thk i was stating lotsa -ve pts.i dunno y..i juz feel that that i gotta point out e mistakes instead of juz singing praises,cos if i do that,tt will be lying. hehe..n u noe im very frank n all..so sorry i sounded like i was scolding..
tchrs debrief was sth i always somewhat want but dun wanna listen to. ahha..but from listennign to them talking,u somehow reflect upon urself.their debrief made me thk tt i was a failure..but then again i must thk +ve n learn frm it. i was like stonning,thinking bout e mistakes i did wrong n all. ahha..bet many didnt noe i was sad n disappointed other than orange lurver! ahha..tt's bout it i guess..
thanks to all for helping me in a way or another.n sorry of i was bitchied n offended whoever it is. :)
reminiscing
12:31 PM <3
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whoa~ miracle happened!!! todae was INDEED a better dae! oh my,i luurrve tt phrase now! lol lyk darling boon & bev helped me!!! they r e sweetest peeps on earth! 3N unite! ahha n also to dearest & dedicated games comm members who helped out & other comm peeps who came!n to dearest 1st i/cs of each dept. thanks darlings! tmr's e big dae! time to show ourselves n shine!jus one thing to say:
IT"S SHOW TIME!
+nanabanana+ is happy!
reminiscing
7:44 PM <3
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aching away...heartACHE. muscleACHE. headACHES. stress level is high. i'm such a failure.."tmr will be a better day."i hope its darn true
reminiscing
7:24 PM <3
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ell,proud to say that! :) though of course it wasnt as exciting as last year,mayb cos e venue isnt at nat. std where e whole sch shd be present. mayb also cos i wasnt involved in the meet at all. sigh. dunno y but juz felt so weird waiting & cheering at e grandstand instead of bein e one runnin. i dunno y, but that feeling juz kept haunting me yesterday. felt funny though i was excited & adrenaline was pumping, cheering my heart out for our sch.