I open my eyes
I try to see but I’m blinded by the white light
I can’t remember how
I can’t remember whyI’m lying here tonight
And I can’t stand the pain
And I can’t make it go away
No I can’t stand the pain
How could this happen to me
I made my mistakes
I’ve got no where to run
The night goes on
As I’m fading away
I’m sick of this life
I just wanna scream
How could this happen to me
Everybody’s screaming
I try to make a sound but no one hears me
I’m slipping off the edge
I’m hanging by a thread
I wanna start this over again
So I try to hold onto a time when nothing mattered
And I can’t explain what happened
And I can’t erase the things that I’ve done
No I can’tHow could this happen to me
I made my mistakes
I’ve got no where to run
The night goes on
As I’m fading away
I’m sick of this life
I just wanna scream
How could this happen to me
I made my mistakes
I’ve got no where to run
The night goes on
As I’m fading away
I’m sick of this life
I just wanna scream
How could this happen to me
-was listenning to e radio when i heard this song. heard e lyrics n i liked it *sighs* juz described e e way im feeling.-
reminiscing
9:26 PM <3
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i cant believe today's e last day of sch! wooohooo!no lessons gg on for a WHOLE month!wheeeee!!!! lol..though i dun thk tt having a hol will be of much difference since i'll be gg to n fro sch with activities gg on etc. wahh...e last 3 days of sch was a really tiring,bz time for me,gg for meetings with tchrs bout the sports carnival.Finally we r getting things going.hehe...been sidetracked for too long.
i realise the last 3 days was damn hectic. was like running here n there for meeting,passing msgs frm tchrs n more meetings. ahha..im soo tired n exhausted. wed was the busiest day of e wk.had trg meeting and psl interview all in one day!was breathless by the time i went for trg.
psl interview
seriously,i thk i talked like crap all e way?quite unfocused,i've got to admit cos i was running frm place to place b4 settling down @ e psl interview. was nervous though it wasnt as scary as ltc interview.heee.at least can joke ard =) ya..then they asked lotsa qns...answer watever tt came to my mind[geez..tt's bad]n they kinda asked some really obvious qns.lyk 1)wats e worst experience ive had as psl n(2) how i handled it. ahha..1st qn 1)we all knew wat was gonna be my ans.*ahem*lol..n also the ans to e 2nd qn..let's see...i burtst n had ritcher scale of 8+++?heee...
wed trg
i was completely exhausted n drained by the time i reached the std. to make it worse,we had time trial! 180m for sprinters n 500m for long-d. as for special me,i did 80m time trial!lol...frankly speaking,i'd rather do 180m trial.mayb cos i have no more confidence in my speed. but i didnt have choice la...n coach was @ e std!!!!! farmer coach..miss him soo much!i'm still very grateful to him to helping me be who i am now. as in he helped me cut down almost 3sec for 100m!how great was tt!but now,i'm nth with this stupid injury. but my timing was 11.45s. like almost 1 sec slower than last year's pb. look @ e bright side...not bad considering i didnt sprint for a loooooong time.hehe...self praise :)
today
today had half day! heee..then had to do spring cleaning.my job=cleaned e fan..having a disadvantage of my height,i had a hard time cleaning it while nurul happily wipe away.hee.. all e disgusting dust were dropping n i kept worrying tt i might fall or e dust would get to my hair!e fan was like as though it can drop anytime! it was swaying quite badly n i was praying it wouldnt drop on my head!hehe.n i was wishing tt a harness was on me so i'll feel more secure n won have e fear of falling. then we got back our marks n report book..eeekks..it totally sucks!a.gay soo nice!gave pep talk:) n after tt we had trg.luckily not in e sun!if not i'll juz get burnt!.. did more of exercises,jump jump throw & stuff...during cool down vi & i were high!..lol..cos we were damn tired n wanted to finish cool down n so called enjoy it so tt we wldnt be tired so we sang e song 'there was a stream...' loud n clear..lol..like some drunkard or sth`
i wanted to go cf but changed of plans n i went to chit chat with vi,cathing up with each other like old times:)we were @ compass macs juz warming up e seat to talk & gossip!lol..n we talked bout lotsa stuff,some stuff like self reflections etc.. then dunno somehow i got to e topic of my grandma n i suddenly juz cried there?like teared a lil cos i stll feeling quite sad that my grandma was gone...it was quite nice to let it go...cos i'm e sort who dun really confide in others to express my feelings..i like to keep things inside,locked in the deep secrets of my heart. it was kinda sad & funny atmosphere cos whenever i talked bout my late grandma i'll juz tear... hrmph...i feel soo weak...i juz have to face it tt she's gone...i juz needed time. time to adapt to changes ard me.. even if it means i have to adapt to going on thru with life,without my beloved grandma...
reminiscing
9:26 PM <3
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havent updated for quite some time cos com was spoilt... but now..not only do i have an unspoilt com it's new too!! ahha..juz bought it juz now @ funan mall.. i'm so stupid mann..i juz realise there's no A drive in my cpu. dotz.. so now must buy e portable one.. ahha...dumb ass.anyway, now i can fully commit myself to games since im not in sch team n i'll be free. sad tt im not in sch team. damn hamstring. sobs. but there's always a next year. i hope. i dunno y but i'm worried tt i wun recover in time for x-cty season. n tt might affect me for next year..gee..i dunn oy im thinking so far ahead of me. hope i can recover in time for next year.i really want to make a comeback n be in sch team. hope i will improve in my running.i really want to be in e team.i'm also quite worried for my grades. seriously it sucks. hrmph. i nd to buck up n catch up with e rest cos i'm quite slow in adapting to new topics. grr...my brain is slow. wat can i do?work harder. damn..tt totally sucks but it's e awful truth. i'm juz one of those unfortunate ppl who has to work hard to get good grades,wait,in e 1st place it's not even reliable if i CAN get gd grades. been failing my maths =( but i feel ive been improving. ahha..not bad cos i used to even fail class tests but now i can pass them,even though it's on e dot. lol..i must keep on e +ve side. must continue to work hard for end year. must get below 20 pts for L1R5. dunno how e heck im gonna get average b3 for all my grades.hmm..i must get below 20 or i wun become it. of course there's other criteria to being it. i hope i am fit to become one. but since i screwed up big sweep,i'm scared i wun be one. sad sad. if only i can turn back time. if only i can correct my mistakes. sigh..of course i cant do tt but juz learn,reflect n make sure i dun do it again(i hate tt line but it's true). tt is if there is another opportunity for me to do so.tt's it with life. in order for u to achieve sth tt u want, u have to go thru obstacles, even though u dun lyk it n have to go beyond ur comfort zone. tt's life. hmm...i juz remembered a meaningful quote i found on e net.
Success doesn't come to u,u go for it
that's true. then of course now,i have to work hard to go for my aim,my wish and most importantly my SUCCESS.
reminiscing
8:52 PM <3
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Wouldn't It Be NiceWouldn't it be nice if we were olderThen we wouldn't have to wait so longAnd wouldn't it be nice to live togetherIn the kind of world where we belongYou know its gonna make it that much betterWhen we can say goodnight and stay togetherWouldn't it be nice if we could wake upIn the morning when the day is newAnd after having spent the day togetherHold each other close the whole night throughHappy times together we've been spendingI wish that every kiss was neverendingWouldn't it be niceMaybe if we think and wish and hope and pray it might come trueBaby then there wouldn't be a single thing we couldn't doWe could be marriedAnd then we'd be happyWouldn't it be niceYou know it seems the more we talk about itIt only makes it worse to live without itBut lets talk about itWouldn't it be nice
reminiscing
6:32 PM <3
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Boulevard Of Broken DreamsI walk a lonely roadThe only one that I have ever knownDon't know where it goesBut it's home to me and I walk aloneI walk this empty streetOn the Boulevard of Broken DreamsWhere the city sleepsand I'm the only one and I walk aloneI walk alone I walk alone I walk aloneI walk a...My shadow's the only one that walks beside meMy shallow heart's the only thing that's beatingSometimes I wish someone out there will find me'Til then I walk I'm walking down the lineThat divides me somewhere in my mindOn the border lineOf the edge and where I walk aloneRead between the linesWhat's f*cked up and everything's alrightCheck my vital signsTo know I'm still alive and I walk aloneI walk aloneI walk aloneI walk aloneI walk a...My shadow's the only one that walks beside meMy shallow heart's the only thing that's beatingSometimes I wish someone out there will find me'Til then I walk aloneI walk this empty streetOn the Boulevard of Broken DreamsWhere the city sleepsAnd I'm the only one and I walk a...My shadow's the only one that walks beside meMy shallow heart's the only thing that's beatingSometimes I wish someone out there will find me'Til then I walk alone...
reminiscing
6:22 PM <3
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havent updated for soooooooooooooo long! 1)cos my com has no more of hope in saving it(using e sch's rite now while researching stuff,multi-task =P). 2) been bz lately. hmm.... lots of things have been happening lately. things that totally changed my life. i still cant get myself to believe tt she's gone. sometimes when i reach hm i still go to my grandma's thinking she's still there. i cant bring myself to face up to e reality that she juz passed away. .
there,i said it. god... it still sounded so weird. i still miss her soo much. miss her presence.basically, miss her on e whole. she was a part of me,a part of my life n now she's gone?i still can't accept it. cant accept tt she can juz went so suddenly. though last time when she was still alive, i was preparing myself mentally, asking myself how i would react to her death. but now, it's a different thing. it juz happened. cant believe she was gone like on 23/04/05. like as though she chose tt special date 2345. i can still remember everything tt happened on tt day vividly.
i rmb tt dae i had duty fo r meet e parents for sec2s. but suprisingly tt dae,after e whole event,i went hm straight n didnt eat lunch outside. as though i could sense tt it was gg to happen. i went hm without any feeling or watever for wat was about to happen. i bought some ice blended mango cos e weather was bloody hot n i was seriously melting. then as usual routine i went to her rm to greet her n kissed her cheeks. weird...now then i noticed a few days b4 her death, whenever i told her tti was gg somewhere, she'd hug me tightly n never wanting to let go,till i have to put her arm loose of i'll juz suffocate. as though she knew it was coming. then like my aunt said, she kept saying she wanted to go hm,though she noes she's at hm. we were thinking tt hm might be back frm where she came frm? i dun noe. mayb. those were e signs tt me n my fam didnt really notice. anyway,i greetede her n gave some of my drink(iceblended) for her to drink cos she was screaming away asking for water. knowing she likes cold drinks,i offered some of my drink to her.she didnt want to stop drinking, mayb she knew it was gonna be her last drink. then after tt i had to take e drink away frm her cos%
reminiscing
3:48 PM <3
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